Saturday, December 22, 2007

I'm_VAGUE_and well AWARE of IT


I would LOVE to see Tom Stevens' HOME release in VINYL. A big album cover, and this one would open up, and the liner notes would be an insert instead of the album vinyl sleeve, although neat off-adverts for other releases catch my scattered attention, nonetheless, BIG ART is what it's all About! And I Believe that a few vinyl tracks only should be included, :: hint hint::

Well 17 Ways is a hit. I've said it and it is probably not the first time. Tom, just keep on laughing, you know what I mean. ;-)

brownies are ready!

stay strong.

This is my Radiohead Limited Edition Disc Box set, the Real Deal. Perfect Christmas to ME!~

'always need a little LIFT when times take you for a Fall...

Little treasure Gifts that may mean virtually Nothing At All.

What concerns me for Tour 2008 in North America is this: I can't do some large amphitheater or football stadium, I'd need a laminate for that, All Access, emergency ~ you never know~ And ideally, a small surveilience video cam attachment so discreet, so hi-tech, I want to capture the concert on video/chip drive/whatever, from backstage, all within range.

~* Wish Me Luck*~

A wise Lady told me last week that I needed (to formulate) a FANTASY.
I think of it more like, a VISION. My LUCKY vision. ;-)

Another year and Radiohead save(d) my life again.

In so many profound and impacting ways. They never cease to amaze me, surprise me and of course, top me! The video (which I hope is viewable) is amongst my latest pieces of RH genius that I'm currently admiring, Radiohead covering Joy Division/New Order's 'CEREMONY.'

~ (did I say that I am all about guitar-oriented Radiohead??!) ~

And At the risk of another re-enactment of The Beatles, all I can say is that, it would be like
the '60s, and we could be happy....

Is it me or is anyone else really nervous about Radiohead next year??

Who is Your Fantasy, Your Vision, What is It!?!! If you tell me what 'It All Means To You" I might have a Clue as to how to Respond properly with the Right Answer Straight-Forward.

I saw the Tree of Life and my challenge is bringing the spiritual enlightenment to physical manifestation, no matter and whatever that may be. My most challenging and most inevitable facing-of-the-dread and then it comes to a Point and you say, "YeaH, there are a few things that I'd REALLY like to change about myself."

Anybody *out there* who 'knows what I'm sayin' please be always reminded that you are amongst the very few, mainly, the One, who has heard it first, wherever you see it, wherever you read it. heck, maybe you dream it. :-)


Tuesday, December 18, 2007



My famous Colly photo, my long-time favorite album cover, the painting with symbols, it inspired me to paint right then, and I gave it away to a friend.

This year was incredibly fast. Fast happenings, time-moving-fast, fast memories and fast actions, later, fast thoughts.

This is the first year that I haven't 'kept' a journal, since I was like 8 years-old. Actually, I lost my journal, the blue book I had been writing in during the last almost 2 years. I moved, I hurt myself, I lost my great book and I lost some friends, also, some old friends came 'back' into my life as well.

But I haven't found my blue journal. It is loaded with fast facts for the coming year, which seemed to be overwhelming, fantastic, fortunate and unfortunate. I'm thinking about changing a few things about myself, yes? Isn't this what Enlightenment is?

I have always been the Keeper of the Flame. I archive everything. I've given back those things which began with a person, a memory, a story...

A Mirror.
She doesn't live here anymore. She left the building. She left the planet. She saved the planet.

Always saving the Best for Last. But it's gone too fast and its liquid fiction spills out of my hands.

Something about the right pen, the right ink, the right page and writing and art make a beautiful plan.

I have written so many books. I dare not read them.


But I cherish them All.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007



It's a Festive Time of Year
And a Peaceful Time for Reflection

Maybe a Little Dreaming
Maybe Just One Wish

Giving Thanks for What We Have
Not Worrying About What We Don't Have

I'm Content with My Kitties
I'm Thinking About The Passed Year

Time is Soon
The New Year is Upon Us All
Time to Bring Those Wishes and Dreams
To Full Circle Like a Bubbling Stream

Anticipation Arrives though sometimes Un~Seen
The Seasons Turn from White to Green

Namaste and Peace Within.


Tuesday, November 20, 2007



I miss the dolphins in the Emerald Gulf. I knew when I exhausted the place I once lived to the Point where it only went towards Self Destruction with a podner-in-crime, what a Time Line.

Another year gone by, maybe my dreams didn't come true but som
e other great happenings Did, those Unexpected Surprises are the best rewards.


Inconsolable Still, not about the Future, the Uncertain Future, however mainly trying to Establish a Stable Home in the Immediate, Only THIS ONE DAY is all that matters. I am so aware of where my Head goes, especially in such times of untimely events with very little solutions.


Cultivate constant re-enforcement of Yourself, Empower your abilities to exceed the limits, because the limits are old now, and new ground must be broken for the new and coming calendar year. Living in a Land of Seasons really puts the Reality Check in Line when you know that it's 3 months, 4 times a year, you have to be prepared for th
e most beautiful transitions and yet be 10 steps ahead all the time.

Stock Up on Spiritual Necessities.

Bring these tools with-in you, you need not carry a pouch!

Ahh...just rambling whilst I debate as to whether I should stay up or get horizontal for a few short hours before my next early morning hand doctor appointment. I chose to give myself a few embedded Affirmations, if I only had a clue, some original
idea, I think I could get on with it, no?

Inconsolable...Definitely tolerable. The dolphins in the Gulf, I saw the massive migrations, they came up to the shore in a few feet of water, they rubbed against my legs
and I was in water up to my first experience, I was in awe, I go to these 'places' in my life's mind to recall the freedom and the presence of peace infinite, for the wild and untamed Mother Nature, those dolphins my mantra, my meditation.

Namaste to all of you.


Monday, October 22, 2007


Click on the image for the full affect!

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Learning _to_Crawl


No html to add today, I am healing my sprained hands (it's taking months!)
and I fell this weekend, what a clutz!

Now I am elevating my left foot.

I didn't want to use my hands to break my fall,
now I cannot drive a standard transmission!

If I need to say it for myself, then, self,
"Get your Act together!"

It's easier said than done. I'm chilling with the kitties right now.

Be well Everyone. <3>

Sunday, July 1, 2007

Beauty The Moment


It's My Day for Drama Queens

Post Full Moon, this marks the second half of my 51st year.

A Subtle Sense of Creative Security Sweeps over Me.
I cannot seem to Place the Message of My Heart's Appreciation for that Persistence of My Friend.

My Eternal Day's Morning Tarot Message:

The Queen of Chalices card suggests that my power today lies in intuition and drama.
I trust my intuition and nurture an environment of deep devotion, patience, and intense
passion. I mirror my hearts desire and am never too busy to connect to those who trust,
love and need me. "It's the thought that counts." Many can say "I would die for them" --
only I can live for them -- spoken with sincerity by a true "Drama Queen." I am empowered
by embracing my emotions as a gift and unconditional love is my Holy Grail.

There's No Place Like Home...and maybe I returned not just out of trauma
(only to live in constant trauma still), but to find out what happened to me
as a kid. When All was Lost, it was Here I Came. HOME. My ancestry is here,
but here I am, NOT wanted here.
Makes me wonder...Where is my HOME?

Home is relative.
Home is fleeting.
Home is an illusion.
Home is as real as the wind.

You will find your home if you allow yourself to recognize it. It is there.

You may have to move on to find it. Or not.

A home in one stage of one's life may not feel like home in another. One's
sense of home changes with one's needs.

I wish that someday soon, you do find exactly what you seek.

Thank You, Tom!

My accomplishment has come full circle to fruitation. All of the Symbols and Signposts, the Building of the Adytum of My Senses, the new CD defines the term Jewel Case.

I feel more Complete. I have something to show for what I AM and My Dearest Friends who Believe In Me and Stand By Me and give me Encouragement and Support that Sometimes I need That Helping Heart.

I Be Humble.

'Look deeply into the Gem of your Heart. What is the Wish hidden there?
Listen to your Inner World. It will Reveal the Secret there.'


Have a Peaceful Sunday Now.

Monday, May 21, 2007

The Return to The Return ("Begin The Begin")


This is a nice Tarot Deck, a compilation of artwork as large as wall hangings, made with beads and jewels as well as fabrics like satin, velvet and linens. Amy Zerner created The Enchanted Tarot sometime in the late 1980s or early 1990s. I'm too lazy to search the exact date,
Her Work is Timeless Otherwise.

She also adds a very Victorian 'touch' to her work, which at the time I had discovered her artwork, I was living in the South and finding my favorite Victorian 'antiques,' unlike the
Colonial Style of New England.

moving on.....

I've been moving things around. This is never an easy process, I'm continually distracted. I went through my Oracle Basket and 'picked a card' from this tarot deck, I hadn't looked at these pictures, which in real life wall hangings were incredibly astounding, in a very long time.


The Justice card suggests that my Alter Ego is a portal to a Reality Check,
whose Access to
where Truth lies is Guarded by the Superpower of my Karmic Credit/Debit Card.

When the Verdict or Results are In, I will get the Payoff or Payback I deserve through
the Natural Laws and
Cycles of Accountability, Reward, Truth and Consequences.

The "Return on my Investment"
will Diminish or Intensify until I finally Notice or Reap the Message.

Whichever Way It comes In, It happens for a Reason.
It keeps my Life in Balance.

When it comes Full Circle/Cycle, whatever the Result,
I will use it as an Opportunity
to Try Again,
Make Amends or Make it Right.

"I Recognize the Manifestation of the Undeviating Justice in All the Circumstances of My Life."

My friend Lina suggested a few months ago that I design my own tarot deck.
As I have done this before through Years of Discipline and Study with Builders of the Adytum,
I know that a project such as this would take a great deal of Time.

It might be About Time I started....

The Lessons I've Learned and the Teachings I've been Taught are
Guiding Me and Keeping Me through Life's Imminent
Challenges to this Day.

I can Thank Myself for That, it was my Own Way of Being 'Prepared.'

My friend Elaine has taught me what it means to 'have a strong body.' This also Involves Discipline and Persistence, it is worth the Effort. She Re-Enforced the Important Practice of YOGA, a Great Motivational Tool to WANT to be Strong-er and to Conquer Dis-Ease.

My Head is in the Right MindSet, Now my Body needs Attention.
Just as It is a Battle of the Senses, It is Not up to Us to be Judgmental for Justice.

We Are Our Own Judge.

It is Up to Us to Use Our Time with Wisdom.

I guess I had to Experiment, take Risks and Pay the Consequences.

I often Self Question Myself as I have Found Myself Back in the Place
Where I Started From. I've Diverted Emotional Pain to My Physical Self.

~The Healing Has Just Begun~

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

The End of An Error



Remember when
We were all Ten
And had again
What's always been.

Or if we Were
No Fear was there
To cause a Stir
Or be Elsewhere.

Because it's When
All thoughts Occur
To say again
We're where We Were.

The TRUTH lies in the Polar Bear,

Grasping Its Last,

One Hope of Fear.

I'm Melting Without A Memory.


Thursday, April 5, 2007

Spiritual Sacramental Awareness Week


I could come up with a better artistic image than what I have posted here.

This is My Reading for Today:

The Queen of Wands card suggests that my power today lies in liberation. I radiate or
communicate personal power, passion, and allure and am not dragged down by trends.
I have a bold magical flair and a spirit of innovation and pride. I am secure in my identity
or performance and thrive on creating, designing or fostering new or equal opportunities
for aesthetic or personal growth, expression or awareness. I am empowered with gratitude,
attention and reputation to go beyond the call and I transform through exploring or initiating

(Or........irritating others).

This is an Inspiring Concept, it's A Lot of Work and Physical Strain?!?! does this work while living in Rhode Island??
Does it mean that I have to Go Into Politix??

What Sort of 'bold magical flair' and 'spirit of innovation'
fits here?
(who am I kidding, this is the Independent State!)

No, I don't think that even the more progressed areas to live around here could handle my Aesthetic, Creative Expression. I to Change It.

'Look deeply into the Gem of your Heart. What is the Wish hidden there?
Listen to your Inner World. It will Reveal the Secret there.' ~1974~


Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Fearing the Futon


'Nothing Incredibly Fascinating but Everything Fascinating and Weird!

What is it Like? I don't Remember...

One Day I woke up and I had pain like knives stabbing me all over my Body. So I stood Up. For 8 Days.

I did a lot of things. I clicked download, I took care of the kitties, I paced my bedroom floor, which seemed like a surreal forever, definitely not one of those, 'Been There, Done That' Experiences.

Then, I think it was Yesterday, I told my Mother that something is Wrong with Dad. He is in RI Hospital Intensive Care because I asked him before he left, and he told me, "I've been sick for months."

A couple of Nights Ago, we both knocked over our Nightstands in Our "Sleep." He was lying down, I was standing up.

Then I called my doctor, I was Home Alone. Then I got a name of a holistic chiropractor nearby in the historic seaside town...I had Never Been to a chiropractor before so why did I think I needed to see one? My WEIRD Indian MD has been masking my lowest common denominator for YEARS, TAKE A PILL.

I went to see the holistic chiropractor (how did I even drive?). He put me on this machine and pulled out my skeleton, I think I might even be an Inch Taller now.
Wow. I mean, REALLY!!

I feel like it was All A Dream. I came Home, did some Yoga, ATE SOMETHING but when it came Time to Sleep, I Feared My Bed.

I went to Sleep anyway, Tweeter was no Longer Confused and we laid down on my futon. I woke up Today, and I am OK. But pretty soon, I have to do it again. I am wondering, will I Wake Up the same? Without any Pain? I know my Bed has to Change, but it hasn't Changed yet.

So, if anyone knows what I've said the past couple of days, or can tell me what I did, that would be Great! I am finding Pictures and Videos in my Copy to External Hard Drive folder, amongst other things, and I don't know how I got them, or even where they came from.

I even met with a Lawyer Lady about the Smyth-thing and the Secret Society of the Diocese...How Did I Do That? I just read an email from her and she is telling me that I need a Home Grown Witness Protection Program.

I think she's Right!

"Change Brings Wisdom."

Wednesday, March 7, 2007



Time is but a Shadow, a Dream....
I Understand why we must Suffer.

Every day since the beginning of 2007, I Light a Candle of HOPE. I Know that there is Always a Way Out of the Darkness...

Illing-ness gives me a sense of Appreciation. Especially in those times when a friend will call on me with a Complaint List of Problems.

I will always Listen, I will always give a Friend this Opportunity.

In this way I lose Nothing, and I'm always repaid for the trouble I go to for Other People.
It is time to shift your
Miracles Abound, if you will Open Your Eyes to See Them.

In My Heart, I hold

I received a (return) phone call from Bill, Colly's husband, this afternoon. He informed me that her mother was killed in a head-on collision, driving alone, on the afternoon of Thursday, February 8th. Tomorrow is March 8th. This event occurred one day to one month ago.

Colly suffered courageously for 6 years and passed away, due to complications from breast cancer, on the Chinese New Year of the Fire Dog, January 28th, 2006, eve of my 50th birthday. Her mother was instantly 'gone,' never given but that last second of thought. 7 days to the year that Colly 'left.'

The untimely-ness of Nancy has left me, without a doubt, a curious feeling I'm pondering right now. This is so unexpected, yet, somehow, I feel there's a subtle connection to this Happening.

Imagine, leaving everything 'unfinished' or 'incomplete,' without Warning, without any Indication...Are we always prepared? "We Know not the Day nor the Hour."

Even in Suffering, there's always a FIGHT to LIVE.

It isn't until you are faced with a Reality of Transformation, a very Knowing-sense that Termination of your human body is inEvitable, that perhaps almost Suddenly, those Suicidal Tendencies aren't Sacred Conclusions to a Tortured Soul.
(get over it!)

Living In Solituda.

I cannot Complain. I can Self-Entertain.


(thank you, Franita, for sending me my 'Self Portrait' and for saving my Grandmother's Goddess Lamp. You are Love-Secured!)

Namaste, My Friends.

Friday, March 2, 2007

Dare to be a Darling


It's been some time since I've posted here, I almost feel like a stranger and foreign to my Own Self!

My Inserted Statement simply spells out the way I feel, moreso, I am a Freak Magnet, sometimes in the most marvelous sense!

This is The Last Day of my Solituda, I mean, COMPLETE Solitude in this house. It's not MY house, but I am HERE. It was NICE to HAVE IT ALL TO MYSELF!

I chose to do with my TIME as I did, until this LAST DAY, I feel more calm and hope that IT will carry me through the DAYS ahead of me now.

I did not have a typically peaceful time ALONE, it was more stressful than NOT. When I am in my inhabitating surroundings with Clarity cutting the Membrane of Premonition, I see ALL too Clearly the Reality at Hand. I cannot control it, but I have ways of DIVERTING it, and I use my personal Power to do that. For example, should anyone ask an idiot non-sensical question (in the form of a DEMAND), I simply SMILE and say, "Why do you want to know?"

When the phone rings, I SMILE before I answer it. People on the 'other end' can sense that, and therefore, should the call be intended (at their end) to accuse or de-mean me, they cannot help but be afflicted with that ever so contagious SMILE when you answer (the phone). It only makes them more aware of how stupid they are!

It is so true, Do GOOD, and the World will Still Bite you, Do GOOD anyway. Afterall, it only makes ME FEEL GOOD!!

"What lies before us and what lies beyond are tiny compared to what lies within Us."

Namaste to Everyone, Keep in the Forefront of your Senses the Meaning of Defenses!

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Our Lady of Perpetual...


The 28th Day.

What constitutes (how does one become) a Saint?
Indoctrination, I am sure, but what sect? Dogma? Does the Pope have to be involved?

I spoke to Bill tonight, Colly's husband, it's been 1 Year Ago today. We talked about a lot of things, the Great Transformation and what beholds us in 2007. Their family church (Episcopal by 'faith') had a 'service' in Colly's memory today and token wildflowers, chosen by Bill, adorned the Altar. Now that I think about it (me, always 'after the fact' thinking), I should have gone down to New York for this, and of course, take some pictures.

This is also the Eve of my Annual Renewal Day.
How Many Seconds And Counting

This is January's Fascination Month...See the blue dot to the far right? That's Earth, That's Us.
Be if Far from ME that the McNaught Comet was Visible to Thee!

Did Anyone See It??

'first things first, not necessarily in that order.'

Monday, January 22, 2007

Defining Manuevers


Expect No Expectations. My Words to Live By Today.

I can't Plan IT or Control IT, it's going to be a DAY. Another Landmark in Herstory.

My Best Contribution is My Imagination. It speaks for Itself. It's Amazing how So Little can Go a Long Way.

It's the 22nd Day of the Year. What am I going to do with it?

So far, things are looking good, the sky is white, without Snow. The only sign that tells me it's more like January should be.

The Only Thing I can do is to Take My Imagination With Me, aside from Everything Else. It's like wearing an amulet or a lucky charm. If I don't have it, or if I forget it at Home, it's like navigating without a compass.

My 'Artwerk' IS my Inner Compass. I take these images with me wherever I go, even if I never leave my Desk!

It's Hard to be Objective when you're Compassionate, right?

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Dual Dimensionisms


What's in a Word? Walking On Restless Dreams.

I put a lot of Thought into looking for Solutions than trying to find Answers to Things beyond My Control.

Of course, the Search is Neverending.

There was a Time when my Mind was in Space out of Time. Right now it seems so way out of Line.

The Drama and the Poetry of my Aspirations are Thoughts Contained in a Time Capsule.

A stack of week-old mail I have yet to open, a list of phone calls I need to make and a few Unfinished Projects define my Distraction from What I Really Want to Do.

Everything that Demands My Attention is Something that's Not of My Intention.

I feel like I am trying to Penetrate that Membrane which divides me in Dual Reality.

This is something you don't ever want to tell your doctors!

I need to stay away from them.

Open Your Spirit to The Dark Corners of Your Soul



Wednesday, January 10, 2007

The 10th Day


Everything I do/make is without an Outline.
I don't use an Outline for anything I make/create/do. I don't plan IT,
IT plans me. Inspiration cannot be 'summoned,' it comes when IT is
suppose to come. And that can be at ANYTIME. The point of the fact
is, you have to keep yourself WIDE OPEN, like artists do, so do I,
staring 'off into nothing-ness' before a blank canvas. I apply this method
even with my computer screen.

There is no beginning, middle or end to anything I accomplish, it's all ONE
static moment, ever continuing, ever going.

That's all for Tonight. No Bad Dreams, No Paranoia.

Thursday, January 4, 2007

Many Symbolisms


Post Full Moon, there's a mouse in the house.

Every time the Cycle turns, my memory burns. Why am I so busy in mono-tone when there's stereo in the dual-dimensional perception of my Instinct?

I remind myself that I am not Alone. And it's not too late to make a fresh start or to pursue my heart's desire. My Power lies in Possibility. When I Envision, Expect and Choose great things, I Will
Identify, Pursue, and Experience great things.

Luck is Relative.

The Fountain of my
Youth or my Holy Grail is revealed in the simple pleasures and gestures that are unaware of
their own Beauty, Connection, and Power. I am Empowered by Nostalgia or past Perceptions.

My Gift is Rejuvenation.

...Still No Snow...

I need to keep my options Open and Acknowledge
Emotional Clutter and Unrealistic Expectations. My desire for Meaning is my
Gift of Opportunity and Epiphany.

I hope it Works.

Live each day in GRATITUDE. Give thanks every moment for the cherished blessings of Life.

Tuesday, January 2, 2007

Forever Included in the Circle of Divine Tenderness


Pristine, Crystalline Winter. It should be that now, but it is not.

Entering the new Cycle of 2007, I aim to give the utmost of my discipline in keeping with the Vision of what I would LIKE my Sight to See. Here's a start.

If I cannot Retreat to the Purity of Ice and Snow, that Clarity of Briskness that the Silence of Snow brings, I will Live IT in my Mind, something out of Space and something out of Time.

This is My Season. My Birth Month. My Beginning.

Nor will I bring the past of 2006 nor the past of the past with me into the Future that is the Moment Right Now. It's about preservation and maintaining the level where we all stand, the Promise(s) that we all Keep, the Hope that we all Dream and the Wonder of Innocence in a world and planetary environment that is slowly, no, rapidly, declining before us.

Keep Positive the Thoughts and Vibrations of every living pulse that is our Heartbeat. Listen to the Inner Voice which speaks should we choose to Listen, 'lest we get caught up in the Comfort of our Misery, our Negativity. Maybe because we feel that the World has not noticed us nor has given us what we needed or wanted when we needed or wanted it.

Everything is born in its right time. Patience plays a part in this, but along with Patience so must there be Strength.

Never let LIFE beat you down, beat Life!

"Make the effort to enter the portals of meditation to that happiness which lies within....We are travelers, here for but a little while, but our ultimate destination is God."

~Paramabansa Yogananda~